by Dr. Vance Hardisty
An attendee at one of our seminars wrote for Question/Answer time: My wife seems angry or unhappy so much of the time that it's rubbing off on our kids - even the one who used to be all sunshine. Nothing they or I do pleases her. Frankly, I don't know if I can stand much more of this. I'd like to save my marriage for the kids' sake, but I'm wondering.
She's always a cranky, touchy person becomes a habit, don't you think? There are both men and women who make it a habit of complaining about their spouses. Most people are what they have been becoming since childhood. Spouses don't see themselves that way; they excuse their behavior by saying that they are just being realistic, so they see no need to change. It is miserable to live with, we agree. However, Mr. or Mrs. Negative can change. We've spoken of this is our save-your-marriage material at our Love Relationship Headquarters. We talk about cranky, critical, ornery people, because we run across them in our counseling.
If you've got a Mrs. Cranky wife, we taught our client and students (not wanting to point out the man because his wife was there with him), teach your children the better way by being cheerful and positive regarding everything. Refuse to join the Forces of Negatives. Find a positive to bring up for every negative.
Try this: use a strategy of replacing a positive with a negative. It is a game you can play with your children. "Okay, Kids, it's pouring down rain and you can't play outside. Think of 3 reasons why you should be happy about that." [Suggested answers: Rain helps food grow so we can eat; Rain is God's provision for keeping the earth green and beautiful; You (or we) can pop corn and play a table game inside.]
Rain is just one idea. There are literally thousands of ways you help your children to think in positive ways. Try it for a few months, and if your wife doesn't catch the spirit by then, tell her that you are concerned about her health. When she asks you why, you can say, "You're so pretty when you smile. And you seldom smile anymore. The kids are noticing it, too. I want you to be happy. I've been reading about that. Maybe you aren't getting proper rest. Or you may be suffering from low blood sugar or hormones that are out of synch. Whatever it is, I'll do everything I can to help. It wouldn't hurt for both of us to have a thorough checkup."
Be prepared! She may meet your efforts indignantly with a barrage of things you should be doing yourself, or the kids should be doing, so she CAN smile more. If so, do them and take charge of the kids' behavior! Otherwise, cart her off to a medical doctor who can look for hidden causes behind the sourpuss attitude.
One thing she definitely needs is to read our material and books written just for women at Love Relationship Headquarters. We have a bunch there for you, too, Sir...material that will guide you into being a much better husband and father. Get her - and you - started on them now and you won't have to write us for help in the future. We want you to keep your marriage strong. Save your marriage is our motto.
Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com
Your marriage is worth saving, Save your marriage today, and receive separate help for women Check here for free reprint licence: Save Your Marriage - Improve Your Attitude.
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