Monday, December 29, 2008

How can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship


How can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship?


Here are some clues:

  • Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
  • While your partner says they love you, their actions don’t back it up.
  • Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or “showing up” at places you are just to “check up” on you.
  • Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
  • You have changed things about yourself to please them.

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?


A toxic relationship has a cycle. There’s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation – at which point the cycle begins anew.


When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.


One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.


But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.


Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.


The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.


The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away. If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you.


Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don’t nag the other person. Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”


If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.


A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.


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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Best Seller Books On Relationships May Make A Fool Of You


Best Seller Books On Relationships May Make A Fool Of You


If your ex has just broken up with you, you may be in the marketplace for books on relationships. But how do you choose the best books on relationships among the many offerings out there?

In this article, I will show you how to choose the best books on relationships. And the answer will surprise you. Read on…


1. First, don’t be fooled by fancy letters after an author’s name.


There are many people who find school to be a convenient escape from real life. Instead of engaging with people, they spend their time in the classroom and library. As a result, they end up with a lot of letters after their names when they hit age 35. They use their degrees to indicate that they have “expert knowledge” of a situation. But does their expertise work in the real world?


Instead, you should look for books on relationships by authors who have been in the trenches. They’ve either put a bad relationship back together themselves or they have helped countless buddies do the same. These aren’t therapy patients that come in for the “fifty minute hour” either. These relationships are those of people the author cares deeply about.


2. Next, you want to find books that don’t boil down to "put the relationship aside for 30 days and work on yourself during that period."


This is all most "save your relationship" or "get your ex back" reports say. Many of the e-books on the market turn that concept into 50 page documents. These are just pieces of fluff and don’t deserve your attention – or your money.

Instead, you should look for a book that will give you new information; information that you’re friends can’t give you.


For instance, will the book tell you what women crave the most? Will it give you a step by step guide for how to give it to her? Will the book show you how to recover from an affair? Will it give you specific techniques to get relief from your pain?


3. Finally, look at who is recommending the book.


Do the testimonials seem a little generic? Were they written by the author’s brother and second cousin?


You want to find books on relationships that come recommended by a wide variety of people, in various situations, from all walks of life. If it looks like both a guy from England and a newly engaged woman from Kansas have used the book, chances are it will work for you.


There are many books on relationships on the market. Unfortunately, most of them are drivel because they weren’t written by someone in the trenches. As a result, they have generic advice that could be best summed up in a paragraph or two. Then, what recommendations the book can get are generic in nature, because the book really has nothing going for it.


Finding the best books on relationships can take a little work. But, everything about relationships are work. Shouldn’t you invest the time and money in the very best book out them?


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Friday, December 12, 2008

Get My Ex Back - What Should I Do to Get My Ex Back


Get My Ex Back - What Should I Do to Get My Ex Back

When you break up with someone you love, you go through lots of painful emotions. You feel sad, depressed and hurt, and you miss them. "What should I do to get my ex back?" becomes a question you constantly ask yourself.

There are many websites, books, blogs, forums and even courses designed to answer the question, what should I do to get my ex back? But common sense can really make a difference after a breakup. And common courtesy can go long way toward healing your relationship.

If you’re preoccupied with your lost relationship, wondering “what should I do to get my ex back?” then follow this simple advice. You’ll give yourself the best chance of getting back together with that special someone.

1. Don’t play games.

This is very important, but unfortunately many people resort to this during breakups because it gives them a sense of power. If you can make the other person think that you don’t care, or you care more than you really do, you’re manipulating them and that can feel great. But it won’t feel great for long.

Eventually you’ll realize that lying and tricking the other person isn’t a good feeling. And anything good that happens because of it will always be sullied a little because of the lie.

Some people play games where they pretend to be dating someone else, or they pretend to be in love with someone else. This is a ploy to make the ex jealous. While it does work now and then, other times it makes the breakup permanent because it backfires.

Your ex could be so jealous at the thought of you being with someone else that they want you back. Or they could decide that since you moved on so quickly, you don’t really care about them anyway. You have no way of knowing which way this ploy will work until it’s too late.

2. Don’t be mean.

This holds true in any situation or any relationship, but sometimes the anger around a breakup makes us act more viciously than we normally might. Even if you’re hurt, the fact that you want to know, ‘What should I do to get my ex back?” shows that you’re ready to forgive that person. If you couldn’t, you wouldn’t want your ex back, you’d be glad it was over.

Now, think about how you’ve been acting. If you were your ex, would you look forward to spending time with you or talking to you? Or would you dread each time? Do you shout and nag? Even if you feel like raising all kinds of arguments, simply don’t. Work very hard at controlling your anger and hurt, and being a person they can miss.

"What should I do to get my ex back?" Be on your best behavior and make your ex remember what drew them to you in the first place. They’ll remember your good points and will miss them. Then you’ll have a better chance of being able to get back together with your ex.

These are just the beginning steps in winning your Ex back. They are the initial steps I followed when I lost the love of my life. And frankly these aren't my original ideas. I turned to T 'Dub' Jackson when I had no idea of how to get my true love back.

T 'Dub' authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called "The Magic Of Making Up". And you know, it worked like magic for us. Now we are more in love than ever.

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Saturday, December 6, 2008

Heartbroken Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back - How to Get My Boyfriend Back


Heartbroken Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back - How to Get My Boyfriend Back


If you’ve just been through a breakup, you’re probably wondering, ‘Can I get my ex boyfriend back? Or How to get my boyfriend back.” Probably at least several times a day. Every relationship is different, so every break up is different. But there are some things you can do to help get him back.


1. First of all it is essential to be nice.


That might go without saying, but some people think nagging is the best way to get what they want. It’s not. If you nag, complain or act unpleasant, you’re just reminding him of things he wants to get away from. If you make things uncomfortable every time you see him, he’ll only want to see you less and less.


The last thing you want to do is drive him farther away. Be as pleasant as you can whenever you’re around him, unless the only way to do so is to be absolutely fake.


2. If you have to pretend, think again.


If you’re wondering, can I get my ex boy friend back by pretending to be this way or that way? Then you have to wonder why you want to be back with him anyway. You might be better off finding someone who doesn’t make you need to pretend.


3. If it is possible to be nice, you have a chance.


If you can be pleasant, then whatever problems you had before the breakup probably don’t seem nearly as important now. You might find yourself wondering why you weren’t more pleasant when you were together.


4. Remember the past, prevent it from happening again.


You can’t change the past, but do remember that later when you’re back together. Point it out to him, and let him know that you did take him for granted. He probably took you for granted too, but don’t expect him to admit it now.


Some other things you might be thinking of trying could either be disastrous or they could work in your favor.


You have to really think about it before you try

it, do not invite disaster.


a) Can I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a girlfriend?


This is probably the hardest situation to overcome. Not only is it difficult to be alone with him if he has someone else, he’s focused on the new relationship. You’re part of the past, and not a priority. Being nice right now is crucial. You have to make him see how wonderful you are and how much he’s missing.


b) Can I get my ex boyfriend back by trickery?


No matter what kind of deception you’re thinking of, even if it doesn’t seem harmful—forget it now. Even the most innocent-seeming lie or exaggeration could backfire later. What’s the point of figuring out how to get him back only to lose him a little while later because he finds out about your dishonesty?


c) Can I get my ex boyfriend back by making him jealous?


It’s possible, but it could also backfire and make him think you’ve moved on. If you really feel the need to date, then do so if you need that to be happy.


But if you’re considering going out with someone just to make your ex jealous, that’s not really fair to your date, or you. Games like this usually don’t work. Be honest with yourself and others and you stand a better chance of getting back together with your ex.


These are just the beginning steps in winning your Ex back. They are the initial steps I followed when I lost the love of my life. And frankly these aren't my original ideas. I turned to T 'Dub' Jackson when I had no idea of how to get my true love back.


T 'Dub' authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called "The Magic Of Making Up". And you know, it worked like magic for us. Now we are more in love than ever.


So, if you are wondering: "Can I get my ex boyfriend back?" or, "How to get my boyfriend back" I recommend an e-book The Magic Of Making Up.


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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

5 Ways to Get Back at Your Ex - Or Get Your Ex Back!?


5 Ways to Get Back at Your Ex - Or Get Your Ex Back!?


Relationships are fragile bonds that need to be built up and maintained in order to keep them healthy and allow them to flourish. Unfortunately, break ups do happen, and they are nerve wracking, stressful and frustrating. If you are involved in a relationship that breaks up, you may be thinking that you want to get back at your ex but is this really the best step to take?


One of the most influential ways that you can actually get back at your ex will not only put your ex in an interesting predicament, but it may also repair the relationship by showing your ex how important you are and were to them. So not only are these 5 tips to get back at your ex but they are also excellent methods for getting your ex back as well.


1 - Be strong.


No one needs the needy, and this saying applies very well when it comes to broken up relationships. You need to stop begging, clinging or exhibiting the behavior of someone who is feeling desperate. Let your ex think that you have moved on just fine without them by acting strong and moving on. When you've moved on, your ex will realize that they have not.


2 - Minimize communication.


Closing the doors of communication may appear counterintuitive when your primary focus is to rekindle things, but it is one of the most important steps when getting back at your ex or getting your ex back. Take a break from your ex, close off communication, and let him or her stew for a little while without any contact. This will allow your ex to clear his or her mind and realize how valuable your relationship was.


3 - Be flexible.


Do not be forceful with your ex, demanding that they move out, or pick their things up by a certain date. Be flexible, be a listener and a sympathizer. Your ex will be surprised when they see this side of you, and it may inspire them to build the lines of communication that were lacking when the breakup came into play.


4 - Get the heck out!


This is no time for you to be alone. Call your friends and get out of the house. Develop a social network and enjoy some entertainment in your life. This may not mean you need to date, or even pay attention to the opposite sex, but you do need to be getting out and enjoying your time with your friends. Not only will this be therapeutic for you, but it will also help convince your ex that they lost a gem.


5 - Simply be yourself.


There was a really good reason for why you and your ex had a relationship to begin with, so go back to being yourself and let your ex remember why they loved you in the first place. This renewed self perception of your own self will surely rub off on your ex as well.



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Sunday, November 30, 2008

How to get an Ex back


How to get an Ex back


If you just experienced a breakup you may be wondering how to go get an ex back? Almost every adult has experienced some kind of a break up, and most just work on moving on rather than looking for a way to get an ex back. But if you are over playing the victim and want to put some work in to get an ex back, then there are options for you. Everyone deals with breakup, but does break up simply mean that you cannot get back together with your ex?


The fact is, 90 percent of the time there is no reason why you cannot get an ex back after a break up, providing that you know what steps are necessary to win your ex back.


1. Find out what caused the break up:


The first step in learning how to get an ex back is to determine what exactly happened that caused the break up. Even though you cannot go back into the past, and you cannot change what happened, you can learn from the mistakes that were made and you can try to learn and grow from the experiences.


2. Was it one specific event or general behavior?


The break up may have occurred because of a single event, or it may have occurred from behaviors that your ex could not deal with anymore. No matter what the reason was that led to the breakup, you need to get the specifics figured out so that you can deal with the situation if it should ever come up again. You can get an ex back if you know how, but if you want to make it work on a long term basis, you need to figure out what went wrong in the first place.


3. The next step in the process is to ensure that you are not coming off as a needy person.


Everyone will feel like they cannot live without their ex, but there is no point in making this obvious. Instead, you should stay strong, and let your ex see that you are doing just fine by yourself. If you let everyone around you see your comfort and self confidence, then you will have a better chance of getting back together with your ex.


Trying to get back at your ex by trying to make your ex jealous is not a good way to operate. In fact, this is one of the worst things you can possibly do, because it will show your ex that he or she should simply move on because you already have.


While you do want your ex to see that you're doing ok, you do not want it to inspire him or her to completely move on if your ideal scenario is to get back together. Let your ex see how strong and self confident you are, and he or she will feel inspired to get back together with you.


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Saturday, November 29, 2008

Do You Want Your Ex Back


Do You Want Your Ex Back


We all need that special person in our lives. Everyone is looking for someone they can spend the rest of their life with. When you find this person, you may feel happier than ever before, and capable of doing anything. Unfortunately, break ups are possible, and they can happen to anyone. Some break ups are necessary, while others can be undone. Do you want an ex back, because you realize that you cannot or will not live without them? Here are some tips for getting your ex back!


1 - First and most important, you need to have a clear head if you want your ex back:


People can always tell if you have too much going on in your mind, and if you have a lot on your mind regarding the break up, your ex will know. You need to stop thinking about how badly you want him or her back, stop stressing about the future of your relationship, and simply clear your head. It will improve your communication with your ex, which will improve the chances of getting back with your ex.


2 - Keep your dignity. If you want your ex back, you need to avoid being a sell out.


I know you want to do everything humanly possible to get your ex back, but don't drop to your knees begging and apologizing simply because you want him or her back so badly. Instead, you need to be strong, calm down, and focus on doing fine without him or her to get their attention again.


3 - Completely stun your ex:


To get your ex back, create a wow factor. The same old you is not going to do much when it comes to getting back with your ex. The old you contributed to the end of the relationship, so it is time to create a wow factor. Do a little bit to change your life, like working out more, or getting a better job. Do something to create a better image of who you are and you ex will surely notice and respond well to the positive changes.


4 - Always keep in mind what caused the break up:


To get your ex back, do not forget. You should not allow your past to haunt you, but you should not forget about what led to the break up either. Take what happened in the past and turn these events into a learning experience. This is the best way to make sure that you do not make the same mistakes in the future, should you get back together with your ex sometime in the future.


5 - Keep your cool, make a plan:


Create a plan, finally! You cannot just emotionally go all out, hoping for good results. Put a logical plan together instead, thinking logically and operating accordingly. If you put some thought into the process you will be a lot more successful at scoring your ex back. Walk into the situation with a plan and you will be able to get your ex back in no time at all.


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Friday, November 28, 2008

Does My Ex Want To Get Back With Me How To Tell


Does My Ex Want To Get Back With Me How To Tell


Does it feel as if there is a little hope? If your ex is showing you a little bit of interest, or seems more interested in going out and spending time with you than before, or if you notice signs that your ex is trying to flirt with you, then it's okay to be a little hopeful but you need to avoid jumping the gun. Are you asking yourself "does my ex want to get back with me"?


1. Play hard to get:


These are definitely very common signs that your ex is interested in getting you back. But even if you want to get back with your ex, you should not simply jump into things. The best way to play things is to play hard to get (in moderation), which is probably what your ex will best respond to anyway. If you simply jump into things full force, then you may find your ex pushing you back again. In fact, if your ex is giving indications that he or she wants you back, then the odds are, it was you playing hard to get that led to the renewed interest in the first place.


2. Your ex may be missing you:


Usually when you break up with your ex, or he or she breaks up with you, there is a natural level of missing one another, or longing to get back together. This is especially true following a relationship of a year or longer. Your ex is probably going to miss you no matter what, because of how many memories were shared together during this period of time. But there are other emotions that come into play including past regrets. If you are wondering "does my ex want to get back with me" the odds are that your ex may be thinking the same thing for the same reasons.


3. It may only be a game:


Sometimes when an ex shows interest again following a break up however, it is only a game. They may see that you love them, and they may simply be trying to get attention, without actually intending to get you back. So, unless your ex really seems genuinely interested in spending time with you, they may just be passing the time because they have no other prospects on the horizon. And worst of all they may see this as away to get revenge for some perceived wrong. This is why it is important not to jump the gun, and why you should focus on reading into the situation before you act on it.


This is common, and a lot of people find themselves wondering "does my ex want to get back with me?", but the truth is, its better to get a feel for the situation before you act. In reality, if your ex does want to get back with you, playing hard to get (in moderation) is the best scenario because it will prevent you from getting hurt if your ex is not really serious about getting back with you.


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Thursday, November 27, 2008

What Can I do To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back


What Can I do To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back


After a breakup you are normally devastated. Most people find themselves asking "What can I do to get my ex girlfriend back" following a breakup. They begin to start thinking and obsessing about everything that could have been done differently. They even begin to make plans about apology letters and other things that might be able to help them score their relationship back.


This definitely is a dead end for one reason above all else: Because you can never really tell what the real reasons were behind a breakup. Women become emotional and sometimes they do not even know what led to the break up at hand and they may not know what is making them feel the way they do. In many circumstances it is no use and you are only losing all your energy trying to figure out what went wrong.


1. Forget about the relationship for a while:


The first main strategy to answer the question about "what can I do to get my ex girlfriend back" is to forget about the relationship for a while, putting your energy into something else. Go out, make friends, have fun, network, and forget about women in general. Set some realistic goals about expanding your repertoire when it comes to seduction and meeting people.


2. Take some time out:


Give yourself a couple of months and make changes in your life. Take some time away from your ex and it will work wonders.


3. Make gradual changes in your life:


The effect that strategies like this will have is that it will allow you to make gradual changes in your life. And in how you perceive the subject of relationships. After a few months, you may have a much better idea of how you want to proceed with your ex.


4. Decide whether you want to get back or move on:


Do you still want to get back together with her? Or are you ready to move on? Act accordingly. If you still want to get back together with her, it might be time to figure out how she is feeling about you.


5. Be direct, not emotional:


Now is your chance to be a little more direct when it comes to getting your ex girlfriend back. You need to play strategically, however. Do not simply beg her to get back with you, because this is not a good time to be emotional.


6. Play things cool:


Instead, what you should be doing is playing things cool with your ex. If you have spent enough time apart from her, she is probably missing you as badly as you are missing her. Play hard to get a little (don't over do it) and show her that you are doing fine without her. This will inspire her to really rethink things.


And if getting back together with your ex really is meant to be, now is the time when it will become apparent. Be careful not to analyze things too much, because over analyzing may prevent you from acting the right way when trying to figure out "what can I do to get my ex girlfriend back". Just take things slow and play them cool and you should be fine.


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