by Joanie S Angel
Here is why a lot of men (and women) leave relationships: they feel bad and blame it on their partner. It is called projection. If a man wakes up a few mornings in a row and feels unhappy, he will tend not to own this feeling. He won't just admit he has bad or heavy feelings this morning. Instead, subconsciously, he will tend to look around, see his mate, and blame her. We must be falling out of love!
"I feel empty and a loss of passion. It must be her, she isn't as loving as she used to be!" Projection is that simple and happens that easily.
So before her first cup of coffee he feels justified to elbow her awake and start in on her: "Hey, do you have to work so much? Why don't you ever take time to be with me?"
Projection demonstrated why so many relationships break up. We (men and women) start to blame others for our own negative emotions. We aren't trained to own or be responsible for our feelings.
Jim has been feeling off lately. He tells Janey he isn't too happy, and is falling out of love with her. Now, what's happening in reality is that Jim is having some feelings of ennui and emptiness. In the emotional journey that all lives are, "emptiness" has come up for him. It is a feeling we all get as human beings from time to time. He could honestly say to himself "I am having feelings of emptiness. I notice nothing seems to be very exciting lately. Everything, including my love life and work life, seems dull and listless. What an amazing feeling to have!"
He could OWN his feelings, but he's never been trained how to do that! He certainly wasn't taught that in school. By "owning" or acknowledging these feelings to himself, he could begin to integrate them, instead of keep them in his unconscious (the Shadow Side of his psyche). He could become more whole and less split. But no! Most of us are "taught" that if you feel bad, you need a better toothpaste, a new car, a sexier playmate, something outside yourself.
Let's discuss the Shadow Side of the self for a moment. That is the part of our psyche, our subconscious, where feelings we couldn't "own" get "stored." When we can't own a feeling, we split it off to the Shadow Side. Good girls who never get angry, for example, probably have a large Shadow Side of suppressed anger and aggression. Many men also will be generally calm and collected and supposedly "in control." Then something happens like dinner isn't ready and they completely blow their tops, screaming and smashing things about. Hello, Shadow Side!
So projection will often cause men to leave a relationship and feel like they are falling out of love. Can you get them back when this has happened? Sometimes, but it is a hard row to hoe, and you will need patience and probably some counseling!
You can learn more about this and the other Immediate Reconnect Strategies to get your ex back in a no charge e mail course about Get Your Ex Back. Joanie S Angel teaches relationship skills and you can get more intelligence on getting your ex back here at Get My Ex Girlfriend Back.
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