by Sabrina Summerfield
Everyone knows that if you drive a car, you have to change the oil on a regular basis. It seems obvious that cars need maintenance - but apparently less people realize that marriage needs maintenance too. There are lots of marriage counseling books available that will help you maintain (and enhance) your marriage. Spending a little time and money on one or several of these books can be a very wise investment. Consider how many marriages are hitting the rocks these days. In many cases, divorce might have been prevented, had the couple only put some effort into maintaining their marriage.
As far as marriage counseling books are concerned, it's not necessary to go with the latest fad. There are a number of classics that are just as valuable today as when they were first written. After all, the issues that today's marriages face are essentially the same as those faced by Adam and Eve: love, respect, finance, raising children, and so on.
One of my favorite books about marriage counseling is called "His Needs, Her Needs," by Willard F. Harley, Jr. Dr. Harley (a psychologist) bases his approach on a consideration of the different needs of husband and wife. Since the needs of the man and the woman are so different, it's often the case that one spouse isn't even aware that he/she is not meeting the other's needs. For men, Dr. Harley's number one need is sex (no surprise there). For women, number one on the list is affection, which is often hard for men to deliver. Ultimately, Dr. Harley's message is an encouragement for husband and wife to make loving concessions to accommodate for each other's differing needs.
An alternative marriage counseling book is "Getting the Love You Want," which takes a very different approach. The author is Dr. Harville Hendrix, a practicing therapist. Dr. Hendrix personally experienced a divorce, and as a result has a great empathy and understanding for other couples in trouble. According to Dr. Hendrix' view, our attraction to our spouses is based on subconscious reasons that we aren't even aware of. He states two main reasons as follows. First of all, we find people attractive when they have both the positive and negative traits of our parents (or childhood caretakers). Second, we find people attractive who make up for the things we missed during childhood. The upshot is that we often get married with the expectation that our husband or wife will be the parent-figure that we always wanted, and who will give us what we missed out on during our first childhood.
I'm not sure that I agree completely with Dr. Hendrix's theory, but he does have some interesting case histories to make his point. Like the case of John, a dull businessman (at least that's how he saw himself), who was infatuated with Cheryl because of her emotional nature. But what initially attracted John to Cheryl quickly became too much for him to handle.
I encourage you to explore some of the options for marriage counseling books. You can probably get recommendations from your friends and acquaintances - or just browse through a bookstore, which doesn't even cost anything. Put some time and effort into maintaining your marriage, and you will reap huge rewards.
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