by Marc Sandford
If you are hoping to win back your ex, the situation has to be handled very carefully. You need to understand that feelings on both sides were injured and that it will take a while for them to heal. A good deal of self control will be needed so that you don't restart the same arguments that led to the break up.
Here are some tips on what to do next. First you need to come to an understanding about the reason for the breakup and whether you are capable of change. Since you don't want another break up, what are you going to do differently this time?
Compromise isn't an option, it's a requirement if you are truly serious. Will you be able to stick with them? How about her?
An understanding of the reasons for the breakup will help you in avoiding any accidental triggering of old conflicts when you make your first attempts to get her back. Two things will be necessary that are somewhat contradictory. Firstly, it is vital that you maintain contact with her.
Secondly, if it's done too aggressively it will backfire and inflame the situation. Your contact with her, while not terminated, will be reduced. Even though you've reduced your contact, you will still let her know subtly that you are interested in her.
The name of the game is casual and relaxed communication that isn't too frequent. Send her an email once on a while but don't make it sound needy, pushy, or desperate. Remind her in an innocent way that she's very much in your thoughts.
Let her know that you care by remembering the dates in her life that are important. Give a card to her on the holidays and on her birthday. Don't allow yourself to be cut off from the world.
Enjoy the other aspects of your life such as your friendships. This will keep you sane, balanced, and upbeat. The worse thing is for her to think that the breakup has unhinged you.
Let her see that you're doing all right but that you're still thinking about her. She will begin to think nostalgically about the good times of the relationship. Then it will be time to begin a friendship with her.
She will be reacquainted with the fun things that you did before which will build up trust. Hopefully this trust will develop and rekindle love again. There is no exact formula when it comes to getting your ex back, but these suggestions are steps in the right direction. Remember, contact is very important but keep it casual and not too frequent when starting out.
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